I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
