Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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