I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
