what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
