remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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