I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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