i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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