a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
