i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
