Porn is love you can see.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize