Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
