just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just gargled with NyQuil
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize