He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
