I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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