even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
how does that bad decision feel?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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