Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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