Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We just shotgunned beers for America
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
