i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
