her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
