I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
