my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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