Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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