Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
