she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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