Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
