I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
