I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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