just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
