I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
