A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
