I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
