We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
