Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize