I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
