I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i think i just lost a toe
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