I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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