I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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