Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
