bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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