God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Small penises have feelings too.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
