so let's talk penis.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
