apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
