That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
