He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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