so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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