Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
