You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
