Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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