well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
