I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize