there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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