We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
