My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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