College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
