at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We are all done wearing pants today
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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