Kiss
Puke
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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