Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize