Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
