Jerry, you need to find god
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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