He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
