fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
