You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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