Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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