I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize