is your mom at the bar?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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