My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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