pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
