return my video game
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
