Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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