The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
