I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
