Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize