RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize