i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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