I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
