Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
