I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
