im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I got inside last night via doggy door
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
