We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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