I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
