YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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