i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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