Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
