If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
