So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize