I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
