I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
