you would pick up someone in the library
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
