And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
