i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
