Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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