I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
