is your mom at the bar?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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