people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
