party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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