I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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