Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he shaved USA in his pubs
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
