You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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