woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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