I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm like, not good at living.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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