Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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