I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
