So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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