I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize