i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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