just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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