Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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