explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize